I read something recently that stopped me in my tracks: “It’s not about time, but about times.” At first, I thought, Great, just what I need—another cryptic life mantra to overthink during my morning coffee. But then it clicked, and suddenly, I was re-evaluating every family gathering, road trip, and holiday dinner I’d ever attended.

Here’s the gist: When we think about our relationships—especially with parents and grandparents—we often comfort ourselves with how much time we have left. “Oh, there’s plenty of time to visit Grandma.” But is there?

What if, instead of measuring time in years, we measured it in visits?

The Math That’ll Make You Call Your Mom

Let’s say your grandparents are in their 80s and live across the country. You tell yourself you’ll visit “as often as you can,” which realistically means once a year. If they’ve got 10 more good years (fingers crossed!), that’s not 10 years—it’s 10 visits.

10. Visits.

Suddenly, that number doesn’t feel so big, does it?

Or take your parents. Maybe they live closer, and you see them three or four times a year. If they’re in their 60s and have another 20 solid years ahead, you’re looking at 60–80 visits. Again, not a number that screams “plenty of time.”

Why This Perspective Shift Matters

When we think in years, time feels infinite. “I’ll do it next year,” we say, as if there are unlimited “next years” in the bank. But when we think in visits, time suddenly becomes finite—and precious.

It’s a reminder that those ordinary moments—the Sunday afternoon chats, the backyard barbecues, the coffee runs with Dad—are what add up to a lifetime of connection.

What Gets in the Way

Life is busy. There are deadlines to meet, errands to run, and Netflix shows to binge. We assume our family will always be there, quietly waiting on the back burner. But the truth is, relationships don’t thrive on autopilot.

And let’s be honest: Visits with family can sometimes feel… complicated. There’s that one uncle with the unsolicited opinions or the cousin who asks way too many questions about your personal life. But those quirks? Those are part of the package deal, and one day, you might miss them too.

How to Prioritize Visits Without Overthinking It

1. Think in Milestones:

Shift your mindset from years left to visits left. How many more birthdays will you celebrate with your grandparents? How many more road trips with Mom?

2. Create a Plan:

Schedule visits the same way you’d schedule a work project or vacation. Life doesn’t magically clear up “someday,” so put it on the calendar.

3. Make Visits Count:

It’s not about how long you stay, but how present you are. A quick lunch with Dad where you’re fully engaged beats a weeklong visit spent scrolling your phone.

4. Don’t Wait for Perfect:

There will never be a perfect time, so don’t wait for one. The house doesn’t have to be spotless, the kids don’t need to be angels, and the food doesn’t have to be Michelin-starred. Just go.

A Final Thought: The Legacy You’re Building

When you prioritize visits with family, you’re not just creating memories for yourself—you’re shaping a legacy. One day, your kids will remember the effort you made to connect with grandparents. They’ll see how you valued relationships, and (hopefully!) they’ll carry that forward.

So, the next time you’re debating whether to squeeze in a visit or wait until “things calm down,” remember: It’s not about time, but about times.

10 visits. 20 visits. 60 visits.

The number is up to you. Make them count.